#I haven't read the manga so DON'T CONFIRM OR DENY THIS FOR ME

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 124

I've cooled off a little bit after the intense experience that this chapter was, so here are a few thoughts! (I read the official simulpub on Kmanga, apologies that I haven't looked for the raw this time but it may be out there if you check.)

The chapter opens in the underground waterways and I am immediately relieved because this means that we did indeed backtrack a bit from last chapter, meaning that we are going to see the fighting there that reveals exactly how Andragoras reached Hilmes

Sam, when speaking of the existence of these tunnels, saying that if he'd known about them he wouldn't have 'helplessly surrendered the royal capital to the Lusitanian army'. Sam, please don't blame yourself! If the royal family chose to keep that knowledge to themselves, it's their fault, not yours. The fact that he's still blaming himself for this... That he thinks of himself as a failure in this respect... 😭

The Kishward-Sam fight was less nervewracking than the one the anime included in the battle for the Keep of Saint-Emmanuel, but only because I didn't know the outcome then. I think it's hard to get some of the nuances of this fight across in manga format but as usual Arakawa did a good job with it, and I want to discuss it a bit!

Sam's eyes here... He looks so sad, you just know he longed for that to have been him instead of leading the life he's living now

...and with that expression, the fight resumes. Kishward has already come to the conclusion that what Kubard said about Sam looking for death was true, and that's what we see when Sam next attacks, right after this line about envying Shapur and Garshasp. It's obvious that he's trying to force Kishward into a position where he has to kill him. He won't surrender, he won't switch sides, but he is willing to die like the warrior he no longer sees himself as.

If Kishward met him as he would someone he sees as a true enemy, he would have killed Sam then. He could have done so with his other sword while Sam is open after that strike. But he doesn't, because he doesn't want to kill his former comrade!

And Sam IS NOT WILLING TO KILL KISHWARD EITHER. If he had, Kishward would surely already be dead for what looks like seeking only to stand firm rather than land a fatal blow of his own, and that's why he only receives a broken sword and a shallow cut to the face. The... choreography (?) of the fight at this point is slightly different in the novels but I think the manga did a good job making a small change to show both of their attitudes more clearly.

(For the curious, in the novel Kishward's sword breaks on Sam's armour when Sam deliberately doesn't evade his slash, but as Kishward never intended for it to be a killing blow, it only cracks his armour. I'm not sure that would have come across from images alone so thumbs up to Arakawa for her modification.)

Sam still calling Andragoras 'Your Majesty' showing his inner conflict (Hilmes would hate it just as he did when Sam said 'His Highness Arslan' in his presence, but I find it understandable) but HE STILL DEFENDS HIS POSITION

and this is another small change from the novel but Arakawa's Sam is much more vehement here, much firmer in his conviction to not let Andragoras past and I love that because I can't deny it bothered me a bit in the novel scene where there's a lot of hesitance in his dialogue and he just says "Even though it's Your Majesty...' but here we get THIS:

And if that doesn't confirm that despite any inner conflict he feels, he will never betray Hilmes for Andragoras, I don't know what does. So I was thrilled to see this, honestly.

In the novel it feels as though it's Andragoras's imposing presence that oppresses Sam's will to resist him but that's not so here. I can only believe that Sam allows him through precisely because he wants to avoid the situation he mentioned earlier; 'more slaughter between kinsmen.' If Hilmes and Andragoras talk, will fighting between Parsians be averted? This must be his hope. I do wonder whether he ends up having his suspicions about precisely what Andragoras wanted to tell Hilmes, though... after all, he already knows part of it himself.

(I had some mixed feelings about this moment, so I did quite a lot of thinking about it before, but honestly, it makes sense for Sam's character and what we know is important to him. I'm just very, very glad Arakawa allowed him to face Andragoras down like that first. I do wonder how Hilmes would see things, though.)

Anyway Hilmes's expressions in the following scene wrecked me and just watching him sweat and tremble in position and be on the verge of vomiting was hard. Anyway, the sordid details come to light, and we know who the sorcerer who supplied Gotarzes with the prophecy that caused all of it was...

Some more images of Hilmes's (very beautiful) mother!

Gotarzes, though... The way he's drawn when he's grasping Osroes's wife shows how repulsive his decision was, and it's clear she doesn't want this, but she would have had no choice.

Hilmes tries so hard to believe that this is all a lie, but... you can tell that he can't. It's difficult to watch him go through this. And I can't believe we didn't even conclude this scene (unless Andragoras is just going to leave now in the manga; he didn't in the novels but we'll see, moving things around here could work but equally splitting it with the parallel conversation between Arslan and Tahamenay is a nice touch and I'm glad Arakawa is devoting the necessary time and attention to all of this).

You know... I'm exhausted lmao, someone else please post about the Team Arslan section that came after this.

[othernaut]

Character Creation Challenge, Day 16: Thirsty Sword Lesbians

You ever find yourself on Aphrodite's Subway Car? I'll do my best to explain.

It doesn't have to be in the literal subway, but you have to be in public, and you have to be at least kind of trapped. Aphrodite can bless a theater, a lecture hall, and you're just going to have to deal with it. The curse begins, as all curses do, with you noticing there's a curse in the first place. Going, fuck, everyone's hot - it's only going to get worse from there.

I sat down and there they were, three girls going somewhere they needed to cosplay. Multicolored vinyl, articulated tails and ear-tips. They'd lean close, fix each other's makeup. Clawboots squelching on the tile. Fuck, I'd think, it's not fair, but it just keeps going. Rain-flecked retro-goth in a full lace skirt and inadequate umbrella, sopping the droplets off her shoulders with a cloth handkerchief. Clean-shaven silver fox in a tailored black peacoat keeping firm verbal command on a pair of leashed, shark-mouthed wolfhounds. Comfortable be-sweaterevested creature curled up with their knees by their ears, reading a college textbook and smiling helplessly at the confirmation of secret things. Simple little things, unassuming and quiet, who through the endearing reflection of their soulful eyes gazing out of the subway windows evoke a beauty that can be neither denied nor withstood.

And me, in an old t-shirt, with a bit of a paunch, with my three moving boxes on an autotrolley and a head full of increasingly uncontainable gremlin thoughts. Fuck me, I need to figure out this bisexual thing.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I care so much. I can never just enjoy a good thing, like a subway car full of hot people. I am the centering factor. I'm always discordant, obviously so, like if the disco ball dropped onto the dance floor and, whoops, it's full of warm custard.

The subway lets me out at Mayrose and I exit the underground into another place I don't belong. Leon's place is in one of those nice parts of town. The too-nice parts of town. There are joggers. First thing I'm confronted by is a little corner bar selling caffeine-free organic energy shots printed with you-can-do-it affirmations. The charming streetside cafes don't have dollar signs on their menu, everything is in italics, a plate full of olives is 33, I don't belong here, I don't belong here, I don't belong here and everyone can tell.

There's a twitch, a rotation of the steel-wafer plates along my right arm. My blayde, linked to biometrics, senses a cortisol spike and is readying for sword reconfiguration. I try to calm down. I keep my eyes focused on the snack wrappers and cigarette butts in the gutter, the ones they haven't gotten to yet. I follow the AR map without looking up at the street. Three more blocks to Leon's. That'll be a whole other situation, won't it? I've never even met Leon in real life, and -

I used to be better. It's been like this ever since they shut down the manga cafe.

I used to hang out there in high school, but I only started living there when I dropped out. It was the only place in Neon that had a Japanese setup, meaning that instead of having everyone in a common area with a shared desk, you could rent private rooms. They had a vending machine with all the ramen flavors you couldn't get over here, sake sometimes, weed sometimes. The restaurant next door had a promotion where you could order from the PCs and they'd deliver right to your room. And the prices were cafe prices, not hotel prices. You could lock your door, share a bathroom, sleep in there for nine bucks a night. I paid more for my dorm room and it made me want to kill myself.

Yeah, if you listened, you could hear it. The other people. It's a city, there's going to be other people. But the VPC in my blayde linked up with the PC at the cafe and let me play my own games without needing to scrabble around for environmental processing. I could sink into other worlds, where I was someone else, where I had figured everything out already and interact with others on my own terms. I could tailor what I looked like, block people and never have to see them again, dream privately in the public square. I could do it for over a year, actually, until MC Development bought the entire retail block and jacked the rents to an unaffordable level.

Leon's house was nice, congruent with the others, had a side entrance. He meets me with his boyfriend in the kitchen and hugs me, big and loud. Immediate mimosas, gossip, hour and a half of furry drama as my moving boxes wheel themselves downstairs to the room I would be borrowing until I figured this shit out. The room was clearly a mother-in-law suite, sponge paint pink, untouched since Leon inherited the place. He invites me out to the bars that night; telling him I just want to settle in takes every watt of social battery I have left.

Before Leon, I'd been crashing with Marin. She was welcoming, too, but she worked weird hours, liked to bring people back from work, and only had a couch to share. I'd be sitting in the living room, still in my pajamas, trying to get some job done while she was flirting with a co-worker in the kitchen. Before Marin, I'd been... scrounging, quite a bit. Some hotels, they stopped hiring receptionists, did all their booking either online or through this vending machine thing, and you could finesse those. They'd contract out their cleaning on one-week gig cycles, so if you got in at the right time, you could stay for six days free and no one would know. But if the manga cafe was precarious, this was actively teetering. There's feeling like you don't belong somewhere and then there's literally squatting.

Leon talks me out to the bars anyway. The obligation isn't something explicitly stated, but I can feel it tight around my throat. It's a basement place, gay as shit, cheap drinks, loud music. Leon introduces me around, but he sees an old boyfriend and is immediately back into the furry drama, leaving me alone with my drink and my blayde. It's so, so good here and I feel so, so bad for wanting to be anywhere else.

There's a girl at the bar, big and tall, wrapped in biker leathers. She's got a forelock done in that responsive smart-dye; it changes color with the RGB along the edge of her neon claymore. She sees me staring off into the middle distance. Smiles with lips painted the color of wet asphalt. Dips a tongue into her drink and takes a sip. I die and explode and am reformed in an infinite cycle of unmaking and remaking. I love you. I have always loved you. I wish I was just playing video games.

Back in the manga cafe, they had these games pre-loaded onto their PCs, and I said fuck it and started an account on Heaven's Hollow. It was overwhelming at first, a Korean-style MMO where numbers fly at you all the time, contextless, and you get alerts every two minutes when someone buys a hundred-dollar microtransaction or hits a major achievement. Leon and Marin were some of the first people to take me in, actually, showing me where to grind, how to improve, what things meant. It was a good game, everyone said. It'd get easier, and before I knew it, it'd feel just like home.

Fuck. I hope these things are universal, or... what? Nothing will ever feel like home. I need to figure this shit out. I need to have it all make sense. I need that stupid, hot biker lady to stop smiling at me before my heart bursts in my chest.

I will sit with my drink and my terror and wait to be someone else.

*****

Name: Mox Radium Playbook: Techno Witch Setting: Neon City 2099 Archetype: Turbo-Isolated Hyper-Weeb Aesthetics: Reserved demeanor, secondhand clothes, modular transforming sword.

Stats: Daring +0, Grace +1, Heart +0, Wit +1, Spirit +1 Playbook Trait: Curiosity (Socializing is new to me, and the only way I know to learn is by doing. Select four Trials, clearing a Condition, marking XP, or taking a String on someone involved if I complete one, then striking it through. When I complete all four, reflect on what I've learned and pick four more; if I complete them all, contemplate whether my character's story has ended.) Trials: Throw away something comfortable to pursue a dream Kiss someone dangerous Experience an altered state with a friend Shock someone with an unwelcome truth

Playbook Moves: Techno Friends: I can speak with machines, code, and the built environment and may influence them with Strings like other NPCs. Near my home, or anyplace I have spent a long period of time, techno friends are always there if I need them. Familiar: I have a small machine as my loyal familiar. I can always connect with it and perceive the world through its senses. When my familiar helps with Defy Disaster or Emotional Support, take +1 to my roll. Familiar: Tiny Gundam. Awaken the World: When I am in a safe place and attempt to commune with a place or non-sentient machine, roll +Spirit. On a 10+, I choose one; on a 7-9, I choose one but the GM will offer me a hard choice or success at a cost: Cleanse it of hurt, corruption, or sickness; Alter its behavior, ecosystem, or atmosphere to one of my choice; Make it dangerous to a certain person or creature, or a type of person or creature. If I do this while rushed, or have three or more Conditions, it works for a time, but later becomes broken and ruined.

Truths of Heart and Blade Love Conquers All: When I become Smitten with someone, say why, give them a String, and answer: What is a clear challenge to being with them that I'm overlooking because of my naivete? Clear-Hearted Insight: When I Figure Out a Person during physical conflict, I may additionally ask one of the following questions, even on a 6-: What makes you feel loved? What do you hope for the future?

*****

I think I've got a curse.

I got Thirsty Sword Lesbians through one of those itch.io mega-bundles for charity (I actually think I got it off of two of them, now that I think about it). I went, "Neat!" and promptly did nothing at all with it because there are more RPGs for me to appreciate than moments within my limited human lifespan. Between then and now, though, I've heard it absorb a lot of praise. It's got some Ennies under its belt; it seems to tell the sort of story that gets a lot of people very happy.

And yet, I am cursed. Thirsty Sword Lesbians is a romance-fighting Powered by the Apocalypse game built to promote that specific sort of tension where swords clash and passions burn, where the will-they-won't-they becomes as much about kissing as it does about stabbing. It's very, very good about building up this kind of moment, actually, and about baking in the kind of enthusiastic consent and willing, uncoerced buy-in that this sort of things needs in order to be successful and healthy to run as a game.

And it's just... not for me.

I think this came through a little bit in the fiction, how I can appreciate Thirsty Sword Lesbians for what it's trying to do while acknowledging that it is, fundamentally, not my cup of tea. It makes excellent use of PbtA to tell precisely the stories it wants to tell - cool, I don't like PbtA. It's a joyful celebration of romance within a genre that frequently has either nothing to do with romance or problematic interactions only - cool, I don't like romance. It's like a Clamato caesar, beautifully assembled out of flavors that don't appeal to me, for a palate I will never possess.

Which dovetails into the gay stuff, actually, and becomes the part where I need to make some sort of social commentary. Because there was this creeping unease I got when reading through Thirsty Sword Lesbians that, once pinned down, resolved as a lesser version of the lack of connection I feel with a lot of LGBT+ spaces. I mean, I'm here, bi as the sky is high, but a lot of the more public and community-oriented ways to engage with that bi-ness takes the form of things I just have no interest in. I don't want to go to a parade with half a million people, actually, and I may die if I'm made to. I don't want to flirt with strangers, go to bars, or get insulted at a drag show. I don't want to read gay romance novels, and this has nothing to do with the gay part, the romance genre just doesn't click with me. I'm glad that you found a cool lesbian indie pop star to enjoy, I just don't like pop music.

And you can't help but kind of question your belonging like this. Bisexuality already has this weird, fraught connotation to a lot of people, and mixing that in with my usual, "How about I just play video games, bisexually?" situation amplifies this feeling of being an outsider even among the outsiders. People do try to welcome me, pull me in, introduce me to all the things I've missed, but the format this takes is usually exactly the thing I don't click with. There's nothing that feels quite the same flavor of bad as having to turn down people who want to genuinely engage with you because the goblins in your brain would rather go on a foraging hike. A bisexual foraging hike.

I feel like I'm making myself sad for no reason, and I don't want to, as this is a genuinely good game and it can tell excellent stories, just... not for me. And this isn't exclusion, nor is it seclusion, but a secret third thing that I don't have a name for yet. I want people to have fun with their toys. I'll just... I'll just be over here, playing with my complex stat tables. Don't worry, I'm still having fun.

Next up: JRR Tolkien, save me from ludonarrative ambiguity.

[skania]

ONK Replies #4

If you've sent me an Anonymous message these past two weeks and I haven't replied to it yet, it should be here!

On a related note, unless it's something I've been meaning to talk about, I'm taking a break from replying to anon messages about Aqua/Kana because it's just not what I'm here for 😭 I don't want my blog to focus on the things I dislike about a ship I don't ship, I'd rather it be focused on the things I love about the ship I do ship.

Off we go!

Hi anon! No, I don't think Kana is the only light for Aqua. I agree with you, I think Kana is "light" in general and not Aqua's light specifically, I actually think she's meant to be "Everyone's Heroine" much like Fujiwara was in Kaguya.

Yes anon, it's in Chapter 98.

Hi anon! It's as Kana explains it:

Himekawa wasn't trying to outshine anyone, he was acting the way any lead actor would. Akane deliberately outshone everyone in order to draw Kana out of her shell, but it has the opposite result because Akane stands out so much that Kana automatically falls into her self-appointed role of "coordinator".

The way I saw it, it's because he was thinking of doing something (revealing Ai's secret) for someone else's sake (to save Kana). Since his actions are not (purely) motivated by negative emotions like revenge, his star briefly turns white. One of Ruby's stars goes white in that same chapter for the same reasons.

To be clear, Aqua was going to reveal Ai's secret regardless, it was part of his plan. But the timing of the reveal was for Kana's sake.

I mean, the manga does go out of its way so we'll pity Kana, but it's used for comic relief just like Maki's self-inflicted suffering in Kaguya. The comment you read comes from someone who seems to expect OnK to be written like a shoujo, but it isn't supposed to be one lol

No, I don't think Aka will go down the incest route. He will definitely have fun with it before he shoots it down, though 😂

I think that acknowledging the contradictions would mean acknowledging Akane is more important to Aqua than they'd like to admit and/or believe, so it's easier to just not do it. Ironically, one could try to justify all of this by saying that Aqua just can't help himself: he comes up with excuses to stay near Kana but is perfectly capable of staying away from Akane.

...Except Aqua stayed away from Kana from an entire year, meanwhile with Akane he caved in and went to see her within 3/4 months of claiming he would have nothing to do with her 😂

I'm glad it made sense to you anon! I honestly also felt like something clicked in my brain when I read that take 😂 It explains why Aqua's reaction is so subdued, why there is no focus given to it at all and just as you say, it also explains why Crow Girl just describes Kana as the girl who loves Aqua.

Honestly, I'm always trying to stay as cautious as possible, but by this point I do think it's Akane. I'm just waiting for the upcoming chapters to either confirm or deny it. So, all we can do for now is cross our fingers so that Aka takes this where we think it's going! lol

To be fair, Aqua and Kana are a pretty inoffensive ship all in all, so it's not hard to see why people ship them. I personally don't ship them because I find them boring and underdeveloped, but that's just a matter of taste 😂

I can see why you feel that way! I'm not sure I see Akane as someone who is in the dark, but that may just be me. I think she is someone who can go there if she has to, but it isn't her normal disposition. She was willing to walk with him in the darkness if that's what it took, and now she is ready to do what it takes to pull him out of it.

So if Aqua and Akane are endgame, they'll be endgame because Akane has seen and been there for Aqua at his lowest and she has loved him and offered him solace through all of it.

Hi anon, thank you!! I think it's a bit different. With Ai, he "superimposed" Sarina onto her because Ai was walking the road Sarina wanted to walk, it had little to do with the kind of person Ai was. With Kana, it's the opposite. I feel like Aqua thought 'Yes, she can be the kind of idol Sarina-chan wanted to be.'

Since Kana can be the kind of idol Sarina wanted to be (an honest one), Aqua likely felt that Kana could give Ruby (Sarina) the right example and lead her on the right path to become the (pure, honest) idol she's meant to be.

Aqua didn't really need to project Sarina's dreams onto Ruby because Ruby had the same dreams herself. If anything, I think Aqua was waging a war on himself all along, because he did see Ruby as Sarina and blamed himself for it, thinking that he was only seeing what he wanted to see and that there was no way something that good could happen to him.

So all Aqua really had to do was watch over Ruby (Sarina) so she would fulfill her dream.

"I don't know how you feel, but I'm here to listen" I love that! I think you're both right: Kana's intention was to empathize with Aqua and to offer him comfort, but she missed the mark. I think Kana's aim was to say I've lost people too and I know it hurts, your pain must be so much worse though. Don't downplay it! The problem is that she gets carried away in her own feelings, so the conversation immediately stops revolving around Aqua and his pain to revolve around her.

So while she meant well, this interaction does end up being an example of one of the fundamental problems I have with their dynamic. It's way too Kana-focused. We see Kana's fantasies about Aqua, how she depends on him, that she wants to be his idol, etc. We've seen Aqua saving Kana, but even when she makes the effort to try and comfort him, he ends up comforting her instead lol It's not balanced at all, for me at least.

[luna-melon]

For the ask game lol

Peter

Nebula

Mantis

Phos

Toko

Aoi

Sakura

Papyrus

Sans

Ayyyy thanks for the ask. Been a while since I've filled out one of these memes <3

Answers below.

Peter OTP: Peter/Nebula, of course. If the 100k+ words of fanfiction I've written about them is anything to go by, they are my OTP of all time. <3 I want Peter to move on and find happiness with someone new after vol. 3 and the movie planted the seeds for these two ending up together in the future really well I think. BrOTP: This was the hardest to decide because I love Peter's friendships with all the other Guardians. Gonna go with Mantis here though because I love how she looks out for her bro and tries to steer him in the right direction. Wish we'd gotten to see more of them being siblings after the holiday special 'cause the confirmation that she was Peter's sister made me so happy! TuT OT3: Shipping Peter with Nebula and Gamora at the same time would be really weird so instead I'm gonna go with Nebula/Peter/Thor in like, a V shaped polycule where Peter is dating them both but Nebula and Thor aren't into each other. NOTP: Ro/quill. I don't think I need to explain myself with this one, but shipping the raccoon with the humanoid characters is weird and gross to me.

Nebula OTP: Same as above, I think her implied feelings for Peter in vol. 3 make all the sense in the world. I mean, why wouldn't Nebula fall for the same person as Gamora? That's just how her life is. I think these two being together would fit their arcs well. Nebula learns to accept that she doesn't have to always be competing with Gamora in order to be worthy of love, and Peter gets his shit together enough to see how Nebula stuck by and cared for him and how Gamora was right about how the person he fell for "sounds more like her." BrOTP: I love her friendship with Rocket so much! Two sad cyborgs goin' on adventures together for five years, I'd kill to see more of that. OT3: Same as above as well I guess, but I don't see Nebula being poly. NOTP: I'm fine with all the big Nebula ships really even if I don't consume their content.

Mantis OTP: I used to ship Mantis/Nebula back in the day and I think that's still my fave Mantis ship even if I no longer go there. I also like the idea of her having a crush on Gamora. BrOTP: Mantis and Drax are my favorite duo ever. Just a couple of strange goofballs pranking each other and causing chaos. OT3: Can't think of anything for this one. NOTP: I don't hate Mantis and Drax as a romantic pairing but them just being weird best friends means so much to me. We need more platonic M/F relationships like them.

Phos OTP: I like all the Phos ships but can't deny that Phos/Cinnabar is my favorite. I know you haven't read the manga yet but I reread this one part of it earlier in the week that makes me wanna throw Phos in the trash because we could have had it all!! xD BrOTP: I really enjoyed Phos and Cairngorm's dynamic. OT3: Phos/Cinnabar/Antarc. Idk how it'd work out but all I know is that I want all three of these rocks to be happy. NOTP: I'm not picky with HNK ships but I'm sure some people ship Phos with Aechmea so no thanks to that.

Toko OTP: Toko/Komaru! These two mean the world to me. Seeing Toko end up with an amazing girlfriend who supports and loves her after everything she's been through and the development she underwent in Ultra Despair Girls damn made me cry. BrOTP: I love the interactions between her and Makoto in her Free Time events. The Naegis are the only ones who can tame this girl. OT3: I like the Toko/Sayaka ship so I can imagine an AU where she survives and throuples up with Tokomaru. NOTP: Byakuya. These two are the worst for each other and no one can change my mind.

Aoi OTP: I very much enjoy her and Sakura together. BrOTP: Yuta Asahina deserved better and in my personal headcanon, he survives UDG and gets to see his sis again. OT3: I think Sakura had a boyfriend so sandwich Hina in between them. NOTP: Got no strong negative feelings for any Hina ships.

Sakura OTP: Same as above. Love me a big buff sporty girlfriend and her smol buff sporty girlfriend. BroTP: I really enjoyed her Free Times with Makoto, too. OT3: Same as above. NOTP: Also same as above. It's hard to go wrong with Sakura ships.

Papyrus OTP: I don't ship Papyrus with anyone but I remember liking Papyrus/Mettaton when I was younger. BrOTP: I fucking LOVE his friendship with Undyne. Anyone who doesn't call Papyrus and Undyne in every room in the game to see what weird shit they say is missing out. OT3: I got nothin'. NOTP: Font/cest. Don't understand why this is such a big thing.

Sans OTP: These days I like the idea of Sans being aroace but I remember having a very brief phase of shipping Sans/Asgore xD BrOTP: Him and Papyrus ofc, but I also like him seeing Frisk as a little sibling, too. OT3: Sans/Fries/Ketchup NOTP: Fr/ans. That is a child...

[arcadefloorvibes]

I don't have a title that I do for this anymore so uhhh

Hiya this is the text post, I am about to give a full rundown on how my partner and I have started dating because

my blog my house

I haven't been able to talk about this in depth with anyone except my siblings who do not care for the amount I am about to type and

my partner follows me on tumblr so kinda can't without it being blantantly obvious its about them (hi)

So this is going to be fun for me because i get to talk about this and this is going to be fun for my partner who pretty much got the summary of this

Quick thing: Partner will be referred to as Partner due to the fact I'm pretty sure his name isn't on here but I assume I will be told after this and Partner goes by He/they so I will be swapping

And now the readmore :D this is like a week and a half of chaos with additional 8 or so weeks before so we're back at it again with the long relationship posts nothing has changed

So to start this all off, you're going to need a bit more context on the mess that was us getting together.

We met through our dnd group, so immediately we're nerds off the bat and then became closer friends after we found out we both catch the same train from the same stop to go to dnd

We're also both very physically affectionate, which did make it difficult to work out whether we liked each other platonically or not later, but we'd hug and talk for an hour each way on the train

My partner is also an affectionate drunk and so within the first week or so of playing dnd, there were sweet messages in the group chat.

Somewhere along the line, more personalised messages go into my dms and eventually my email because I just thought "yea that makes sense"

About two or three weeks into dnd, we both decide to meet up in the city and go shopping because he knew manga stores and I didnt.

The shopping trip was fun! We got manga, I showed them the underground bookstore, we got ice cream (that i paid for, this will become important later) and at this point we'd been out for about 4 hours.

I, normally go shopping with my 3 younger brothers and therefore use "We" a lot. This does not work when you are no longer with your siblings

So being the genius that I am the checkout conversation goes as usual

"Do you need a bag?" "Oh no thanks, we've got one" (gestures to Partner)

And the SECOND we are out of the store, they just go "she probably thinks we're together" and 'Im already internally screaming at my social blunder so i just say "Yea we seem to get that a lot"

Then on the bus home the conversation turns to "if you ever need a fake boyfriend let me know because I'd do a great job at that"

And so it becomes a running joke that when we're out together, we look like a couple, because we kinda did, the hugs, they'd hold my hands when they were cold (highly unromantically mind you) and then the looks we'd get kept the bit running

Then during other conversations throughout the 2 months we knew each other, we had literally said we don't know if these feelings are platonic or romantic because we weren't used to it, but then the other would neither confirm nor deny, there was also a pickup line bit he did for a while and also pointing out that "its like the universe wants us to be together" with the amount of coincidences

Then came the second Monday of August, Partner had just gotten SIGNIFICANTLY fucked up on drinks and was not doing great, i don't remember much of the day but i do remember being very worried so i wrote at like 12 am a really long email about how important they were to me, it took me about half hour to write it

And then i open discord, and there's a message from him at 12:03 that basically read

Hey, i love you but like yknow in a friend way (idk discuss with sober me)

...yknow. after i just sent a massive email about how much I love them.

So i figured we're going to talk about this at some point, so i should just think about it! Yknow! Imagine a universe where we're together!

And i did

And I really liked it

And alllllllllll the denial I'd had over that past few months just for a little bit disappeared

So i did not sleep well that night, understandably, and i wake up the next morning to read what was basically:

Haha drunk me is fun to read, no need to discuss lol

...once again. Not confirming or denying.

And I'm just like okay I'll go back to thinking about you platonically and it just didn't work it just straight up didn't work because it just felt like the same denial I'd had previously

It is Tuesday now, I have early morning classes, so i went to class, i overthought, i denied and i tried so hard to get myself to like another guy in my class that i thought was cute but all i could find was more reasons to like Partner

So i get home after having what is essentially a 17 hour day and I get on call with my friends and we're just doing the usual of watching Doctor Who while screaming at our 3d program and I don't remember a lot of how we got to the point we did but we had cameras on, I had mine on but turned off so I couldn't see myself.

This part is fun because apparently Partner doesn't remember this but!

It was just a small thing of looking at everyone and one of our friends points out that you could see me in Partner's monitor but just like in the corner because of how the camera was angled and i reacted with "Ack!" Which prompted:

Partner: Whats wrong with you being on screen?

Me: I dont like looking at myself

Partner: Why? Youre beautiful

Me: ...Thank you...

And so they just tilt the camera away so i can't see myself and good news, my camera cant pick up my blushing but im just kind of losing it a little

I dont use "beautiful" for myself, its not a word that I think applies to me. Theres "cool" and "handsome" and "cute" and occasionally "pretty" but I've never liked when I was called beautiful growing up

And in that small moment, i really really liked the word, i still like hearing the word from them honestly, still don't think it really applies but sometimes i see it

At the time, this was NOT HELPING, especially paired with the coincidence of that day's wordle being "Lover" i was maybe going insane

Wednesday the ASMR bit starts.

Me and the asmr bit had a complicated relationship, on one hand its very nice, on the other hand i was trying to deny and this was also NOT HELPING. The asmr was basically compliments and the occasional ara ara

Thursday i make a playlist to try and focus on literally anything and i write down all my feelings out of hope that on the train the next day i would be fine

I get my hugs on the train, i get my random headscritches, we go shopping, i buy us cream puffs, they mention this is like a date, i dont confirm or deny, there's a small moment on the tram with a hug and a "haha wouldn't it be funny if you did the anime thing of falling on me?", and then because we have time we go op shopping

I got to learn a lot more about Partner's fashion tastes (alt) and i get to talk about mine (punk) and I'm talking about how i want a suit jacket but none ever fit me and as i say that they pull out one that looks my size

And like the fucking genius that i am im like "okay hold these for a sec" and i give them my bags while i try on the jacket

"I'm doing the boyfriend hold thing right now lol"

And I looked at them and just for a second I considered confirming and then i didnt and just did a neutral "yea my bad..."

And then I said "we" at the register again and I did acknowledge that to which the response was "At this point, it's probably easier if we just started dating, there's so many signs the universe keeps giving"

My response was "yea..." but in a way that didn't confirm or deny

Friday was my birthday, my body decided to just keep filling with adrenaline every time I thought about them, I had a few shots of vodka and accidentally told my siblings what happened

Saturday and Sunday I kept thinking about it at work and overthinking and rethinking

Monday I was on call talking the whole time, the asmr bit continues, the feelings don't go away, a conversation doesn't happen, its like everything is the same as always. There's talk of black lipstick and eyeshadow, the nerves get stronger

Tuesday was when I thought maybe they actually liked me back, there were "I love you"s, I was kind of flirting back maybe idk, and I decided that these feelings weren't going to go away and I should at least ask to work out if this is platonic or romantic or otherwise I will go insane

Wednesday I'm just thinking about what to say and nothing is working because even writing this now i still cant predict anything they say so i made up about 20 or so different ways of asking, the black lipstick couldn't be found and so i was a little more safe

Thursday. Thursday was planned to meet up early since their bus arrives earlier than i do so i walk up to the train station, playlist on loop, rehearsing and rehearsing and i get there to watch them arrive on the bus.

I like that image in my head, the fact that we both saw each other and waved, the massive smiles and oh my god the eyeshadow was giving me a heartattack. I have like 4 selfies of the eyeshadow now and it still gets me

We talk like always, I'm trying not to stare, I'm trying to form the words but every time i think I've got them the silence stops. We get on the train, the hug occurs and the week before I'd initiated a handhold so i was just there talking and thinking and terrified of fucking this up but it would've been worse if i left it.

4 stops until we get off and a silence stays long enough for me to at least try

Me: Okay so I told myself i was going to say something because otherwise it would get worse and this is really embarrassing but I'm going to try Partner: Okay...? A sigh and a breath Me: so you remember the message you sent on Monday? Partner: oh... yeah i do... Me: well i figured... we should talk about that...

And i explain a much shorter rendition of that Monday and veryyyy slowly his ears go red and it starts to spread:

Me: so like I'm fine with either, i just need to know what we're doing Partner: I wish i could give you an answer but I don't know either

That was not in the script so we just kind of sat and thought, doing the kind of shocked laugh thing and I'm just observing reactions while trying to think of what to say, I'm watching them fight their own denial in real-time

So i just said "I'm going to explain my past week and a half and if see if that helps"

And i explain pretty much all of that above and extra things, giving them a bit of time to process after each thing, noticing the denial again and kept going because all I could think was if I was going to get an answer I wanted one where we were being honest.

After explaining all that, and telling him to stop apologising and me apologising for dropping this all at once since they'd gone totally red and were shaking a bit, I let the silence sit for a while, 2 stops to go, before i said "Fuck it, I'm going to hold your hand properly and you can tell me how that goes"

And we both really liked it, and we held hands the rest of the trip and i initiated more hand holding as we walked around the train station. I then had to go to class but we planned to take the train home together, normally we didn't do that

So we got donuts and held hands again, I got the asmr bit irl so I did lose a lot of the control I'd had earlier in the day as now I was the red one

And that's it! that's how we started dating!

As of publishing this, our first date and week together is tomorrow and it's been incredible so far and they already know how much they mean to me because I keep saying it and I'm going to talk as much about my partner as possible because why not and also I know for an absolute fact they'll read this so

I love you, you're amazing, we're so bad at this, I hope we can keep trying until we get it right and I will keep writing until I can't write anymore

And that concludes the post! ah! I have a partner! the progress of the past few years is insane and I'm learning so much about myself while I'm at uni and if I've grown this much in one trimester I'm so excited to see what the next 3 years bring

And final note: this post is 2.4k words :D

[kittymary50]

“Not only did Kubo explicitly state that Ichigo and Rukia's dynamic was not romantic (during an interview about the fade to black movie, no less)”

Kubo said “To call them friends is wrong, but to call them lovers is also wrong, don’t you think?”, if I remember correctly from the Japanese translation.

And when asked about a romantic relationship between Rukia, he said “I’m not going to confirm nor deny that”.

I genuinely wonder why he didn’t outright deny that possibility. If he had planned from making Ichihime from the start, when why keep his audience in the dark? Why be vague? If he had been clear from the start, it would have been easier.

The main reason I can think of is that he knew he would lose a large part of his audience (namely IchiRuki enjoyers) by doing so. I really hope I am mistaken because purposefully misleading people for money is too awful.

“Stating that ichihime didn't have enough focus (in a battle shonen where romance is not the focus in the first place) is blatantly false considering they have the most panel time which has been extensively documented by ichihime fans”

The fact that it is a shōnen is no excuse, I’m sorry. Do your romance right or don’t do it at all, period. There are mangas which don’t have romance as their prime focus and still handle it well (like the two I mentioned or even Fullmetal Alchemist). There was no real reason for a time skip instead of just an open ending, in my opinion.

Also, Orihime can have the most panels with Ichigo, quantity is different from quality.

“It's also a fact that Kubo did indeed plan IH from the very beginning. You don't have to believe his words, because the pilot chapter where Ichigo has obvious feelings for Orihime exists as physical proof. The fact that Orihime dies really doesn't matter because not only is the entire concept of Bleach based on the principle that death is not the end, but it's also written in a way that anticipates them meeting in soul society”

Well, if Orihime’s dead, how is Ichigo supposed to have a relationship with her? Yeah, he can see her in Soul Society, but I don’t see the point, since HE is alive, and Hime is not, so… I don’t know, it doesn’t seems convincing to me. Unless you think he was willing to give up his life on earth to start a romance with Orihime? We have Isshin giving up his life in SS for Masaki, so, I still have doubts, but that’s a possibility.

Besides, it’s a pilot, so things change between that and when you start your work for real.

“Even in the Bleach we know, Ichigo's feelings for Orihime could not be made more obvious. Since apothecary diaries is mentioned, I would argue that Ichigo-->Orihime is actually even more in your face than Jinshi-->Maomao (at least based on where the anime is since I haven't read the novels). In fact, Ichigo actually behaves very similarly to Jinshi when it comes to Orihime/Maomao, namely their jealousy and protectiveness, and the way their enemies use Orihime and Maomao against them as a weakness.”

Um, sorry but I have to disagree there. If you compare Jinshi to MaoMao, his feelings for MaoMao are shown way, way more clearly than Ichigo’s for Orihime. Jinshi watches her, thinks about her and cares about her all the time, even gives her a jewel (his hairpin, right?), blushes, always interacts with her and really loses it when MaoMao disappears. And the waterfall scene, oh my. And the end of season 1 (I think?) where he carries her bridal style, oh my.

In Bleach, I never had the feeling Ichigo gave her more attention or protected her more than any of his other friends, like Uryū, Chad or Rukia, or that he acted real different with her. Ichigo and Orihime always gave me the siblings type of vibes, just as for Renruki. Ichigo was ready to go save Rukia when she was bleeding during the Araniero fight. Ulquiorra had to mention Hime to make Ichigo pay attention to him, and he sqid himself Ulquiorra did not intend on letting him pass (to go save Rukia), so he had to fight him. He also said he had come to Hueco Mundo to fight Grimmjow…

You can argue the scene where Ichigo transforms into a Vasto Lorde “for her” is romantic, but they were both… traumatized by it, in the end, so I don’t find it romantic.

As for jealousy… I’ve never seen Ichigo being jealous over Inoue… Except that time when he took Shinji out of the classroom because he behaved weirdly toward Orihime I think, but he would have done the same with Rukia.

If anything, Orihime is more like Jinshi, having a hard crush on Ichigo, who just like MaoMao, is blind and obvious to her feelings. This is the parallel I see.

“Compared to the other endgame pairings of battle shonen that were ongoing around the same time as Bleach such as Naruto and Dragon Ball, Kubo actually wrote ichihime the best. It was the fans who chose to be distracted by their own personal wishes and biases and ignored the obvious. I highly recommend surfing through @/ichinoue's account (easier to navigate on desktop but #ichihime and #fav works on the app) who has written a lot of IH meta and countered the most popular talking points brought up by antis.”

I don’t know for Dragon Ball, because I didn’t followed, but for Naruto, it’s hard to compare for me because in my opinion, Hime and Hinata have not the same importance. Orihime belongs to the main cast (with Ichi, Uryū and Chad), while Team 7 is the main focus of Naruto and Hinata belongs to another team, so she would be more of a supporting character to me, with less panels and screen time, so obviously her romance with Naruto would suffer from that. But Kishimoto recognized he couldn’t make romance, and Hinata had no real feminine rivale as important to Naruto as Rukia was to Ichigo (Sakura was the closest to that, and it was clear until the end she was in love with Sasuke).

As for fans being distracted and ignoring the obvious… I don’t know, I really don’t know. There certainly was basis for a IchiRuki romance, and Kubo was never very quick to deny the possibility of IchiRuki. As I said, why ship IchiRuki in the first place if IchiHime was so clear as day from the beginning? Why focus that much on a pairing that is not canon instead of your endgame?

Blaming only the fans is a bit too easy and simplistic to me, and above all it’s the perfect excuse to avoid questioning yourself and realize, just a little, that you’re not a perfect writer and your work can have flaws.

Again, I feel obligated to repeat I’m not a IR shipper and never expected them to be canon. I completely understand some see the IchiRuki moments as platonic, while other see Ichihime moments as platonic. As we say in my country, you need a bit of everything to make a world.

But the same way you wonder why IchiRuki expected it to be canon, I wonder why people should have expected Ichihime to be canon. Because Kubo sure was not in a hurry to state, claim or prove from the beginning it would be the endgame.

About Bleach ship wars

I’ve just found out Kubo said he was listening to the auditions for Kazui, which of course made me think to Bleach ships and I needed to get one thing or two off my chest.

I’m not even a IchiRuki shipper (I’ve always been more interested by the relationship between Ichigo and Uryū anyway), but it always amazed me how Ichihime fans can’t seem to understand why some people ship IchiRuki so hard. Their most common argument being “Blame the anime”.

If Ichihime fans want to blame somebody, it should be Kubo. He’s the one who, even until now, keeps promoting IchiRuki and focusing on them. If he had written Ichihime so perfectly, like their stans claim it, there wouldn’t be ship wars at all. After the Bount Arc, Kubo was involved in the anime and had all the power to develop his endgame couple. Did he do so? Nope, never. So stop blaming Abe because Kubo could very well do Ichihime fillers if he was interested in it. But he wasn’t and still isn’t. Probably never will. Doesn’t sell enough, I guess.

A canon couple doesn’t mean it is a good couple.

Shinichi and Ran from Detective Conan? Jinshi and MaoMao from The Apothecary Diaries? God, you can feel how much the boy fell in love for his girl, and how much romantic tension there is between the couples. It is literally thrown at your face. Ichigo? He has never shown love towards Hime, not in the romantic sense. Orihime loving Ichigo isn’t a golden ticket to have Ichigo love her back. If Kubo really planned IH from the start, as he said (my ass), I’m genuinely worried because the non endgame pairings (Ishihime and Ulquihime) had more chemistry than the canon pairings.

Do I think Ichigo should absolutely have ended with Rukia instead, then? As I said, I’m not a IchiRuki shipper, so no. I wasn’t expecting this couple, since they are from two different worlds and work perfectly fine as friends, soulmates or whatever Kubo think they are. What’s more, Ichigo not being an orphan (unlike Naruto, where I can understand the reason to make him marry and have children), I don’t see the need for him to absolutely have a wife and kids. He seems like the type who can live alone without any problems. You can be alone and still succeed and be content with your life. Or do people living alone means they all failed in life? Anyway, I still doubt the relevance of a time skip over an open ending; Kubo would have avoided many problems.

However, I understand why people ship IchiRuki: they have legitimate reasons to (Rukia’s name, drawings, symbolisms, etc.) IH has none of that, and Kubo can add as many IH scenes in cour 4 and listen as many auditions of Kazui as he wants, Ichihime will never be a great couple. Kubo developing IchiRuki so much and being surprised when out of nowhere he made a pairing he doesn’t care in the slightest canon will always be funny to me.

Besides, shipping aside, they all deserve better (especially Uryū, give my man all the love in the world, he deserves it). But as long as their pairing is canon, I guess Ichihime fans don’t feel concerned too much about the ending.

[icefang111]

THEORY TIME FOR BNHA EPISODE 54

*takes a deep breath*

so, theory time. IN FACT BUCKLE UP CAUSE I’M GONNA TRY AND PREDICT A LOT OF WHATS GONNA HAPPEN BASED ON THE OP, THIS ONE EPISODE, AND A HUNCH WHICH ALL CAME TOGETHER AS I WAS GETTING PICS FOR THIS LIKE THE STARS ALIGNING IN MY MIND

So my initial idea was as follows: (I guess spoilers if I get this right, tho I don't count theories a spoilers ‘cause what the fuck do I know right? But I really think I’m onto something and I know some people do so u have been warned! Oh and legit spoilers for everything before Season 3 Episode 54)

I've been thinkin since the opening dropped that the uraraka and idda shots looked... 

...off. (uraraka less so but mostly just cause it comes right after the Idda shot which is REAL SKETCH)

So.

Now.

After this episode I think it's safe to conclude that those are the two disguises that the naked chick from this episodes gonna use in the future.

But.

I am significantly more concerned after seeing how she acted.

Because.

To me...

SHeS SO CLEARLY THE CRAZY KNIFE LADY RIGHT?! FROM THE LEAGUE WHO ATTACKED BEFORE?! IM NOt THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS YA?! SHES TOTALLY JUST PRETENDING TO BE A StuDENT TO FUCK UP THE WHOLE EXAM AnD THATS HOW THE LEAGUE OF ASsHATS IS GONNA BE IN THIS SEASON!!!

(And it is totally her right? the knife sounds? the weirdly sexual pining while fighting like she did with uraraka? The creepy obsession with Deku? The way she talks? THE WAY SHE MOVES? THAT WEIRD DISAPPEARING SHIT SHE DID? In fact I have half a mind to think they used one of the villain themes during that scene???? I CHECKED AND THEY DEF DID)

But then

I gotta question

How her quirk works

Cause can she turn into anyone? And how did she scratch deku? Can her transformation hide her knives???? But! I think considering her introduction (with blood and knives which seems more a motif of those who’s quirk also involves blood), the amount of time we spent focusing on her taking blood from uraraka and them taking time in the episode to be like 'but y pretend to be uraraka specifically?' I say it's a safe bet to say she needs blood from a person to turn into that person ye? That seems suitable to context and creep factor for a villain ye? So then

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STUDENT SHES PRETENDING TO BE RIGHT NOW?!

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY!

WHATS ShE GONNA DO TO MY BOY IDDA?! CAUSE THEY NEVER FOUGHt BEFORE?! SO HOW WOULD SHE GET HIS BLOOD?! WhAt ArE U GoNnA dO To mY bOY!?

OK but then I’m lookin at the OP ye? 

And she’s one of the only villains around in this spit second shot. furthering my suspicion. With? Who else. Twos or twins or whatever, the guy we KNOW can make duplicates of people and control them like a puppet like he did with Dabi in the forest before- adding credence to the thought that knife lady also has some sort of infiltration-like ability. Since at the end of the last arc there was the idea hands-dude is gonna start fighting smarter each go around. Now the important question: does his clone have to be made by a willing party? Or can he make one of anyone (like an unwitting student) and replace them?

But u see it doesn’t mater

cause looking at the OP we see

This group-shot followed immediately by the singling out of

THESE’S TWO! (whom I may note are both hiding they’re eyes in the group shot but reveal them now when alone which is super symbolic bro) One of which I already suspect as knife-chan and one that could easily be a clone of any member of the league hidden by all that hair!!!!

BUT EVEN FURTHER STILL

DUE TO THE BLUE EYES IT’S PROB A DABI CLONE AGAIN!!!

AND SINCE IT’S A CLONE THEY CAN QUICKLY LEAVE VIA DISINTEGRATION IF DISCOVERED!

WHILE KNIFE-CHAN CAN SWITCH WITH ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE SHE ATTACKED DURING THE EXAM OR PREPPED BEFORE HAND!

BUT THAT’S JUST A THEORY, AN ANIME THEORY THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK PEACE

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[thefanficmonster]

Hi Vy ^^

Just to be safe, could you make a list of things and people you’re *not* comfortable writing about?

Good question, Anon!....I don't know 😅

Jokes aside, it's a great question and only very few things/people come to mind. If you have a specific fandom in mind it's best to ask me since I can't think of all the people and fandoms I don't wanna write for at the moment 😊

The ones that do come to mind are: Shows I haven't yet seen (asking for specific shows/cartoons helps out with the filtering process cause there are many shows I haven't seen.) I don't watch anime or read manga so I don't write for those either. I don't write for cartoons I haven't seen (the only ones I'm down to write for are Winx Club, Bratz, Angel's Friends and Monster High)

I don't write romantic fics for YouTubers who don't feel comfortable with that: Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo (While I am indeed younger than them I still would never overstep anybody's boundary)

I don't feel comfortable writing smut for any characters/people.

I do not write ships unless the people in the ship are comfortable with it and/or are an actual couple.

Everything else will have to be confirmed/denied when people ask for a specific fandom cause nothing else comes to mind 😅

Hope this helps!

~ XOXO, Vy 💌

[wuekka]

I haven't read the manga or whatever original work is, so don't tell me if this is confirmed or denied, but from Yuichi Namamura voiced sensei, I have a feeling he's the big bad, he looks like those type of characters...